All Black Dinosaur
Dr Who's TARDIS was spinning around in the time vortex, occasionally bumping into the sides and forcing Dr Who to roar in frustration. He loomed large over the controls, his comically short hands pulling, twisting and pumping various levers and switches.
BEEP BEEP. BEEP BEEP.
Dinosaur Who looked at the source of the noise. It was the distress beacon. He rushed over to it and pushed the play button. It was a message from New Zealand. He was needed immediately.
He turned back to the controls, making the necessary adjustments. With a theatrical swish he pulled down the vital lever and the TARDIS materialised in downtown Auckland, not far from Sexy Voord's office.
Dinosaur Who emerged and looked around. His last visit to 21st century Earth hadn't been pleasant. This time, it couldn't have been more different. There were no armed Americans wanting to shoot him. There were no frightened passers by. There were no crazy lunatics running around as if they just saw a prehistoric monster emerge from a giant phone box. Instead, he was delighted at the response.
A small crowd had gathered. Many of them were cheering. Others were waving at him. One or two were leaning out the windows of their offices to give him a high five.
It was bliss. He loved New Zealand.
But he had a mission. He couldn't stay around, appreciating the warm welcome. He waved his short arms frantically, trying to communicate his mission.
"You're looking for people that need you?" asked one.
Dr Who nodded. He folded up his right arm as if he was carrying a rugby ball.
"Rugby?"
Dr Who nodded again.
"Well Eden Park is that way. Stomp up Queen Street. Turn right onto K Road, left onto Bond Street and keep going. You'll see it soon enough." Oh, and he said 'bro' a lot. And ate kiwifruit whilst having intercourse with a sheep. It's a New Zealand thing.
Dinosaur Who smiled his thanks. It was a very toothy smile. Then he was off. Running down the main street in New Zealand. The Aucklanders present at that hour applauded him and wished him luck. He began to blush. There was no time to lose.
...
Dinosaur Who arrived at Eden Park. All Blacks coach Steve 'Shag' Hansen was waiting outside.
"Ah, Mr Who. Glad you could make it. Richie's injured his foot again, and we're up against the Aussies. We need a bloody good openside for tonight's match. Do you think you can help?"
Dinosaur Who didn't even need to think. He roared his affirmative response.
"Well then, come this way. You'll need to get changed."
...
The Australian team ran out. The All Blacks followed shortly after. Kieran Read lead them out, followed by Dan Carter, Ma'a Nonu and Aaron Smith. After him was Dinosaur Who, Luke Romano and the rest of the team.
They lined up for the anthems.
"Raaaaaaaaaaaar rarrrrrrrrr rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrrraaar rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." sang Dr Who proudly, tears rushing from his brilliant blue eyes.
The Haka was next. They had decided to do the Kapa o Pango version. Several of the Australians shat themselves seeing Dinosaur Who and the others performing the traditional war dance.
And then the game! Dinosaur Who was immense. He was there at every ruck, his tiny arms reaching in for the ball. He ran hard and was impossible to tackle. He punched the air when he scored in the 33rd minute. After a dominant performance from Dr Who and the All Blacks, the ref blew his whistle for full time. New Zealand had won 70-3. Dr Who was voted Dinosaur of the Match.
Afterwards some of the Australians whinged and complained that Dr Who wasn't a New Zealander, but he lived in New Zealand for a decade back in the nineteenth century working as a Christian missionary so he qualified on residency.
That evening, demolishing the Australian rugby team and hearing the cries and support of the crowd was the best moment of Dinosaur Who's life, and he will never ever forget it. He'll be eternally grateful to those kind New Zealanders, and the New Zealander will be eternally grateful to him too.
BEEP BEEP. BEEP BEEP.
Dinosaur Who looked at the source of the noise. It was the distress beacon. He rushed over to it and pushed the play button. It was a message from New Zealand. He was needed immediately.
He turned back to the controls, making the necessary adjustments. With a theatrical swish he pulled down the vital lever and the TARDIS materialised in downtown Auckland, not far from Sexy Voord's office.
Dinosaur Who emerged and looked around. His last visit to 21st century Earth hadn't been pleasant. This time, it couldn't have been more different. There were no armed Americans wanting to shoot him. There were no frightened passers by. There were no crazy lunatics running around as if they just saw a prehistoric monster emerge from a giant phone box. Instead, he was delighted at the response.
A small crowd had gathered. Many of them were cheering. Others were waving at him. One or two were leaning out the windows of their offices to give him a high five.
It was bliss. He loved New Zealand.
But he had a mission. He couldn't stay around, appreciating the warm welcome. He waved his short arms frantically, trying to communicate his mission.
"You're looking for people that need you?" asked one.
Dr Who nodded. He folded up his right arm as if he was carrying a rugby ball.
"Rugby?"
Dr Who nodded again.
"Well Eden Park is that way. Stomp up Queen Street. Turn right onto K Road, left onto Bond Street and keep going. You'll see it soon enough." Oh, and he said 'bro' a lot. And ate kiwifruit whilst having intercourse with a sheep. It's a New Zealand thing.
Dinosaur Who smiled his thanks. It was a very toothy smile. Then he was off. Running down the main street in New Zealand. The Aucklanders present at that hour applauded him and wished him luck. He began to blush. There was no time to lose.
...
Dinosaur Who arrived at Eden Park. All Blacks coach Steve 'Shag' Hansen was waiting outside.
"Ah, Mr Who. Glad you could make it. Richie's injured his foot again, and we're up against the Aussies. We need a bloody good openside for tonight's match. Do you think you can help?"
Dinosaur Who didn't even need to think. He roared his affirmative response.
"Well then, come this way. You'll need to get changed."
...
The Australian team ran out. The All Blacks followed shortly after. Kieran Read lead them out, followed by Dan Carter, Ma'a Nonu and Aaron Smith. After him was Dinosaur Who, Luke Romano and the rest of the team.
They lined up for the anthems.
"Raaaaaaaaaaaar rarrrrrrrrr rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrrraaar rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." sang Dr Who proudly, tears rushing from his brilliant blue eyes.
The Haka was next. They had decided to do the Kapa o Pango version. Several of the Australians shat themselves seeing Dinosaur Who and the others performing the traditional war dance.
And then the game! Dinosaur Who was immense. He was there at every ruck, his tiny arms reaching in for the ball. He ran hard and was impossible to tackle. He punched the air when he scored in the 33rd minute. After a dominant performance from Dr Who and the All Blacks, the ref blew his whistle for full time. New Zealand had won 70-3. Dr Who was voted Dinosaur of the Match.
Afterwards some of the Australians whinged and complained that Dr Who wasn't a New Zealander, but he lived in New Zealand for a decade back in the nineteenth century working as a Christian missionary so he qualified on residency.
That evening, demolishing the Australian rugby team and hearing the cries and support of the crowd was the best moment of Dinosaur Who's life, and he will never ever forget it. He'll be eternally grateful to those kind New Zealanders, and the New Zealander will be eternally grateful to him too.