Super Sleuth
The violinist was playing David Bowie's Heroes as I exited the Britomart Train Station and turned right. It's a nice song. One of my favourites. I didn't give her any money though; if she wants some then she needs to get a real job. I walked a few metres, singing the song inside my head. Then stopped. Damn! I turned the wrong way. Cursing my silliness, I spun around, walked past the violinist again and went on my way. Then I realised my mistake. I was right the first time. I turned around again, and hiding all traces of embarrassment walked past the desperate busker once more. I turned down the narrow side street and found the required meeting place - a Japanese restaurant.
I went inside and saw her immediately. She was sitting at a corner table, eating sashimi and drinking sake.
"I'm Sexy Voord," she said, introducing herself, though she needn't have bothered. I knew that already. I had phoned to book this appointment. I had seen her business card - 'Sexy Voord. Super Sleuth. Will solve any mystery...'
"Hello Sexy Voord," I replied, giving her leathery cheek a quick kiss, and began telling her why I had called her. "You see, my proble-"
She put up a leather clad hand to silence me.
"Have some sashimi," she said.
So I ate some. It wasn't too bad. I had never eaten raw fish before. I suppose this is what is meant by being adventurous at mealtimes. Anyway, I finished the plate, then resumed my tale.
"I am in a predicament. I have a cat flap, so my rather old cat can come and go as she pleases. I always leave a bowl of biscuits out for her. She sleeps on my bed at night, and when I wake up in the morning the bowl is empty. I'm sure she's not the one who is eating all the biscuits. It must be one of the other cats in the street. Please, Ms Sexy Voord. Can you help me?"
...
A few days had passed. We met up again for her to tell me of her investigation's progress.
"I've narrowed it down to three suspects." She produced three photographs of well groomed cats. "Mr Snuggles here lives at number 22. He spends his time sleeping under a lemon tree. He could be the one eating the biscuits. Or it could be Fifi." She pointed at a photo of a fluffy ginger cat. "I've seen her skulking about the neighbourhood. I'm sure she has some secrets. Or it could be Scratches."
I nodded. "Ok. But what's the next phase of the investigation?"
"Well, it's time for me to watch over your kitchen this evening."
...
You'd think it would be odd, trying to go to sleep whilst a Voord kept guard in your kitchen. And it was most definitely odd. But she had drugged my pineapple juice and I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning, eagerly waiting to find out whether or not Sexy Voord had caught the cat biscuit stealer. I raced into the kitchen, like a child races to their presents on Christmas morning. No Sexy Voord :( But a note
"Top of the morning to ya! I've caught the culprit. Come to my office today and I will reveal all."
Exciting!!
Later that day, I met Sexy Voord outside her office. She opened the door. But there was not cat inside. But there was a human, with a black bag over their head. Sexy Voord dramatically pulled it off to reveal......................................
The violinist!!!
But why? "How could you?" I asked her.
"Look at me," she replied. "I'm starving. I need to eat. Nobody ever gives me any money. I'm sorry."
I didn't know how to respond. Sexy Voord advised on giving her a bag of cat biscuits and a stern warning not to come back. So I did. Now the only thing that eats my cat's biscuits is my cat. I think the violinist is now stealing Mr Snuggles's biscuits. And the moral of the story is always beware of violinists. Most of them are evil!!
I went inside and saw her immediately. She was sitting at a corner table, eating sashimi and drinking sake.
"I'm Sexy Voord," she said, introducing herself, though she needn't have bothered. I knew that already. I had phoned to book this appointment. I had seen her business card - 'Sexy Voord. Super Sleuth. Will solve any mystery...'
"Hello Sexy Voord," I replied, giving her leathery cheek a quick kiss, and began telling her why I had called her. "You see, my proble-"
She put up a leather clad hand to silence me.
"Have some sashimi," she said.
So I ate some. It wasn't too bad. I had never eaten raw fish before. I suppose this is what is meant by being adventurous at mealtimes. Anyway, I finished the plate, then resumed my tale.
"I am in a predicament. I have a cat flap, so my rather old cat can come and go as she pleases. I always leave a bowl of biscuits out for her. She sleeps on my bed at night, and when I wake up in the morning the bowl is empty. I'm sure she's not the one who is eating all the biscuits. It must be one of the other cats in the street. Please, Ms Sexy Voord. Can you help me?"
...
A few days had passed. We met up again for her to tell me of her investigation's progress.
"I've narrowed it down to three suspects." She produced three photographs of well groomed cats. "Mr Snuggles here lives at number 22. He spends his time sleeping under a lemon tree. He could be the one eating the biscuits. Or it could be Fifi." She pointed at a photo of a fluffy ginger cat. "I've seen her skulking about the neighbourhood. I'm sure she has some secrets. Or it could be Scratches."
I nodded. "Ok. But what's the next phase of the investigation?"
"Well, it's time for me to watch over your kitchen this evening."
...
You'd think it would be odd, trying to go to sleep whilst a Voord kept guard in your kitchen. And it was most definitely odd. But she had drugged my pineapple juice and I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning, eagerly waiting to find out whether or not Sexy Voord had caught the cat biscuit stealer. I raced into the kitchen, like a child races to their presents on Christmas morning. No Sexy Voord :( But a note
"Top of the morning to ya! I've caught the culprit. Come to my office today and I will reveal all."
Exciting!!
Later that day, I met Sexy Voord outside her office. She opened the door. But there was not cat inside. But there was a human, with a black bag over their head. Sexy Voord dramatically pulled it off to reveal......................................
The violinist!!!
But why? "How could you?" I asked her.
"Look at me," she replied. "I'm starving. I need to eat. Nobody ever gives me any money. I'm sorry."
I didn't know how to respond. Sexy Voord advised on giving her a bag of cat biscuits and a stern warning not to come back. So I did. Now the only thing that eats my cat's biscuits is my cat. I think the violinist is now stealing Mr Snuggles's biscuits. And the moral of the story is always beware of violinists. Most of them are evil!!