Braised Hearts - Celebrating the Jon Pertwee Recipe Book
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Curse of the Piwakawaka

​The sun was setting on another glorious New Zealand summer's day, yet the reddish light was still strong enough to illuminate the forest path upon which an old bouffanted man and a young, sexy Chinese girl were walking, serenaded by the regular chirps coming from small, fluttering fantails and the occasional flutter of wings of a tui chasing a potential mating partner.

"My god!" exclaimed Dr Who, "that first sentence went on forever."

"Shut up and keep walking, old man," said Daphne (the sexy Chinese lady. Daphne was her English name), shoving a loaded pistol into the back of Dr Who.

The Doctor tripped on a tree trunk as he turned back to his guard. "How much further do we have to go? We have been walking for over an hour. I say, we must stop soon, I think i'm already getting blisters." Dr Who's desire to stop was appeased, as the duo reached a small clearing. Dr Who noticed to one side was a small, freshly dug trench. He estimated that if he were to lie down in it he would only just fit. "Is that for a grave?" he asked, raising one eybrow in a curious manner.

"Indeed it is," replied Daphne. She raised her gun, and pointed it at one of the Doctor's hearts. She pulled the trigger!!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" cried Sexy Voord, leaping from the bushes into the trajectory of the bullet. The bullet penetrated her leather outfit and deep into her flesh. Shocked, Daphne turned and started to flee, but was stopped by the sound of heavy footsteps and the crunching of trees/plants/shrubs/bushes. Dinosaur Who emerged into the clearing. Daphne looked up into his charismatic eyes, with fear dominating her eyes. Dinosaur Who leaned down, and in one bite, grabbed Daphne in his teeth. 

"Who sent you? Who are you working for?" demanded the Doctor, now grasping Sexy Voord, though Daphne did not reply. She couldn't reply. She was paralysed with fear. Knowing that she would not answer, Dinosaur Who pulled back his head, bit twice and swallowed Daphne.

Admiral Ackbar ran across towards Doctor Who and Sexy Voord. He reached into his backpack to pull out a medipack. Ackbar passed it to the Doctor, who placed it over the bullet hole. Slowly, the bullet was sucked out, and the skin began to heal. Ackbar rummaged in his bag, and produced a bandage which he wrapped around Sexy Voord's wound. She was saved.

Meanwhile, the Higher Power watched on from a distance. Angrily, she stomped away, her six mini-legs trembling with fury...
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