The Poo in Space
Have you ever wondered what happens to the excrement on long space journeys? Well, I can tell you that they do not store it on board the shuttles and cruise liners, ready to be deposited once they reach the intended planet. Nor do the space stations wait for a recycling ship to pass by to git rid of it. Oh no! They just dump it out the window.
Not really the window. Rather, out the bottom of the toilet. You simply flush the toilet, it gets sucked down, a little hatch opens (whilst the toilet seals itself off) and the poo and wee wee get sent out into space.
Which is all fine and dandy when you first start long distance space exploration. But time passes, and other civilisations emerge into the great space race. Millennia pass by. And then what happens to the poo? More and more of it. Slowly accumulating. Silently clogging up the universe.
Just past the western edge of the Mutter Spiral (less than five lightyears away from the Planet Ogg, as a matter of fact), something extraordinary was happening. All the crap in that region of space was coming together and binding due to gravity. As the poo rock grew larger so did its gravitational pull. Poo from further and further away was being drawn into the excrement asteroid. Eventually it was bigger than the sun!
The Oggdians were a clever species. Very enterprising. They gazed upon all the poo and saw something special. Plans were drawn up. Construction work started. They turned the crap rock (now named Poo Planet) into a tourist attraction. THE tourist attraction. Luxury resorts, chalets, poo flavoured ice-cream, theme parks, coral reefs........ it had everything. Who wouldn't want to holiday on a floating pile of dung?
So it happened. Poo Planet became the #1 tourist destination in the universe. Everybody loved it.
But fun wasn't the only thing growing on the planet. Deep down inside all that excrement microbes were joining up, creating a bigger entity. The souffsy (for that was it was) was pure evil. It sensed the fun happening above, and strived to end it.
One day the souffsy attacked. It destroyed the rollercoaster, tore through the accommodation. It was destroying everything.
Won't somebody do something?
A strange noise filled the air. It was a groaning noise; like the fabric of time and space was being torn. It grew louder and quieter, louder and quieter, and when it ceased a giant blue box had appeared. The door opened and Dr Who stepped outside.
Dr Who roared in anger.
That's right. It's Dinosaur Who. Dr Who. The coolest T-Rex in the universe. He had awesome blue eyes and a magnificent afro. Those piercing eyes stared into the heart of the souffsy.
The souffsy gulped. "Oh shit." (How ironic!)
Dr Who attacked. He swung his tail at the souffsy. He stomped all over it. He reached down and tore at it with his shark like teeth. In a matter of moments it was all over. The souffsy was dead.
The holiday makers were silent. Shocked. Then they started cheering. Punching the air. Chanting 'Dr Who' over and over. Dr Who blushed. Tears formed in his blue eyes. They loved him.
Dr Who decided to take some time off and have a holiday. He was treated like royalty. He enjoyed his stay on Poo Planet, and its inhabitants enjoyed having him there. But all too soon, he had another SOS to answer. So he was off to save the universe again.
So, if you are ever on holiday on Poo Planet and you see a poo-statue of a Tyrannosaurus with an afro, then you know it's to commemorate Dr Who saving it from the souffsy.
Thank you Dinosaur Who.
Not really the window. Rather, out the bottom of the toilet. You simply flush the toilet, it gets sucked down, a little hatch opens (whilst the toilet seals itself off) and the poo and wee wee get sent out into space.
Which is all fine and dandy when you first start long distance space exploration. But time passes, and other civilisations emerge into the great space race. Millennia pass by. And then what happens to the poo? More and more of it. Slowly accumulating. Silently clogging up the universe.
Just past the western edge of the Mutter Spiral (less than five lightyears away from the Planet Ogg, as a matter of fact), something extraordinary was happening. All the crap in that region of space was coming together and binding due to gravity. As the poo rock grew larger so did its gravitational pull. Poo from further and further away was being drawn into the excrement asteroid. Eventually it was bigger than the sun!
The Oggdians were a clever species. Very enterprising. They gazed upon all the poo and saw something special. Plans were drawn up. Construction work started. They turned the crap rock (now named Poo Planet) into a tourist attraction. THE tourist attraction. Luxury resorts, chalets, poo flavoured ice-cream, theme parks, coral reefs........ it had everything. Who wouldn't want to holiday on a floating pile of dung?
So it happened. Poo Planet became the #1 tourist destination in the universe. Everybody loved it.
But fun wasn't the only thing growing on the planet. Deep down inside all that excrement microbes were joining up, creating a bigger entity. The souffsy (for that was it was) was pure evil. It sensed the fun happening above, and strived to end it.
One day the souffsy attacked. It destroyed the rollercoaster, tore through the accommodation. It was destroying everything.
Won't somebody do something?
A strange noise filled the air. It was a groaning noise; like the fabric of time and space was being torn. It grew louder and quieter, louder and quieter, and when it ceased a giant blue box had appeared. The door opened and Dr Who stepped outside.
Dr Who roared in anger.
That's right. It's Dinosaur Who. Dr Who. The coolest T-Rex in the universe. He had awesome blue eyes and a magnificent afro. Those piercing eyes stared into the heart of the souffsy.
The souffsy gulped. "Oh shit." (How ironic!)
Dr Who attacked. He swung his tail at the souffsy. He stomped all over it. He reached down and tore at it with his shark like teeth. In a matter of moments it was all over. The souffsy was dead.
The holiday makers were silent. Shocked. Then they started cheering. Punching the air. Chanting 'Dr Who' over and over. Dr Who blushed. Tears formed in his blue eyes. They loved him.
Dr Who decided to take some time off and have a holiday. He was treated like royalty. He enjoyed his stay on Poo Planet, and its inhabitants enjoyed having him there. But all too soon, he had another SOS to answer. So he was off to save the universe again.
So, if you are ever on holiday on Poo Planet and you see a poo-statue of a Tyrannosaurus with an afro, then you know it's to commemorate Dr Who saving it from the souffsy.
Thank you Dinosaur Who.