Braised Hearts - Celebrating the Jon Pertwee Recipe Book
Comrade's super awesome Jon Pertwee Recipe Book website!
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    • Banana Dolittle
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    • The Super Sleuth Series >
      • Super Sleuth
      • Super Sleuth 2: Sleuth Harder
      • Super Sleuth 3: Meet the Paternosters
      • Super Sleuth 4: The Evil Astronomer
      • Super Sleuth 5: The Evil Astronomer Returns
      • Super Sleuth 6: Floppy
      • Super Sleuth 7: Alpha and Friends
      • Super Sleuth 8: The Devil Went Down to Auckland
      • The Trouble With Ghosts
      • LOL RIP
    • The Wuuuuu-uuu-uuu trilogy >
      • Wuuuuu-uuu-uuu
      • The Return
      • Rise of the Reapers
    • The Adventures of Dinosaur Who >
      • Dr Who Goes to New York
      • the Poo in Space
      • All Black Dinosaur
      • Diamonds are Forever
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    • The tales of Life of a Sensuous Adric >
      • Life of a Sensuous Adric
      • Life of a Sensuous Adric 2
      • Life of a Sensuous Adric 3
    • A Night on Gallifrey
    • Dalek Leef
    • Laundry Day
    • Assimilation Cubed
    • The Trouble With Ghosts
    • If Only She Had Knees
    • Floppy's Sister
    • LOL RIP
    • They Had To Die
    • Mighty Genghis Khan
    • Mighty Genghis Khan - the Sequel!
    • For Better or For Worse
    • Dr Who Goes to the Beach
    • The Curse of the Gugelhuff
    • How Benton Became Gay
    • Flight Crew
    • The Day the Music Died
    • Go To Sleep
    • Bouffant
    • The Future of Porridge
    • Jet Ski
    • Suffragette City
    • Dividing By Zero
    • Swimming Pool
    • Roll With It
    • Meat Stack Explores the TARDIS
    • The Funeral
    • There's an App For That
    • Bang Bang
    • The Streak
    • Regan the Elephant
    • Mein Kampf
    • Don't Look Back in Anger
    • Heart
    • Aussie Eggs
    • Broken Faith
    • The Short Story Featuring Admiral Ackbar
    • Curse of the Piwakawaka
    • Don't Stop Believin'
    • Songbird
    • They Are Coming
    • Getting the Best of All Worlds
  • The Missing Recipes
  • Doctor Who stories
    • TV Comic Holiday Special 1970
    • The Daleks Destroy the Zomites
    • The Daleks Are Foiled
    • The Prehistoric Monster
    • Escape From the Aquafien
    • Dr Who on Zaos
    • Doctor - Who and the Daleks (Part 1)
    • Doctor - Who and the Daleks (Part 2)
  • Artwork
    • J.P.'s Rejected Recipe Book Endorsement
    • Self Portrait
    • The Dinosaur and the Shark
    • It's a Dalek!
    • The Church. And God-zilla
    • Target Novelisation
    • Self Portrait 2
    • Clara the Mermaid
    • Crazy (or not?) Pokemon fan
    • Monsters
    • Before and After
    • Brendan the Rat's Digestive System Found in his Visceral Cavity
    • Top View of a Dead Dissected Locusta migratoria
    • External Features of a Caranx georgianus
    • A New Dimension
    • K-9
    • Seascape
    • Waaah!!
    • Dinoturtle
    • Poliwhirl
    • Cat With Glasses
    • Teddy Bear
    • Alpha Centauri Portrait
    • This Is A Test
    • 4.5/5
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    • Guest Star >
      • Jacqueline Pearce
      • William Gaunt
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      • Brian Cox
      • Michael Troughton
    • Other >
      • Andrew Cartmel
  • Links
  • A rival cookbook?

Flight Crew

A loud "waaaaaaahhhhhh," came from the back of the flight deck. Irritated, Captain Jean-Luc Picard looked up at Commander Chewbacca. Chewie pointed at some flashing lights on a control screen. What was the security chief trying to say?

"What are you trying to say?" asked Picard.

"Waaaaaahhhhhhhhh," wahhhhed Chewbacca. Unfortunately, Picard couldn't understand this.

"I can't understand this," remarked Picard. "Can somebody translate?"

"I can't," said Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson. What was the Rock even doing on the Enterprise?

"Rocky - What are you doing on the enterprise?"

The Rock shrugged, and went back to snogging Agent Dana Scully.

"He's probably trying to say something important," said Kerr Avon, pointing out that Chewie was probably trying to say something important.

The lights were flashing faster now. Things must be getting serious.

BOOM!!!! The USS Enterprise slammed into Earth, hitting somewhere around Tampa Bay. Picard never learnt what Commander Chewbacca was trying to say. Nor did he learn why all those strange beings had suddenly joined his crew.


***


Epilogue

At a control desk on the dark side of the moon, a solitary figure watched the crash on a monitor. They cackled manically. They hit a few buttons, and a data printout sped out of a nearby printer. Their eye scanned over the data. The crash only took out a small fraction of the earth's population. Alpha Centauri shook one of her tentacles in anger. Drats, she thought. Her plan to destroy the earth and its inhabitants had failed.

dun dun dun!

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