They Are Coming
A bright red light pulsed through Galactic Federation Headquarters. Panicked technicians and delegates ran down the corridors screaming. One of them paused, and stopped a colleague who was running in the opposite direction.
"Hello Misbah," said Charlie, a junior assistant to the old lady who worked in the cafeteria. "Why are we running?"
"Haven't you heard?" replied Misbah. The Federation is under attack!"
"Geez, Louise, that is serious!" gasped Charlie, who decided the best thing to do was run wildly around the space station. He ran off. Misbah looked as his friend turned a corner, smiled to himself, let out a small fart and he too resumed his crazy running.
Outpost Montana was a desolate space station in the far reaches of the third galaxy. Nothing of note ever happened in that sector of space anymore; this Outpost was one for naughty delegates and Federation officials. You stuff up, and you get sent to work at Outpost Montana. And that's how Delegate Jono came to work there. Jono has an ordinate fondness for beetles. One day, he had befriended a particularly fierce Coleopteran from the planet Gugar and took it back to Federation Headquarters. Whilst Jono slept the giant beetle attacked and killed three electricians. As a result, Delegate Jono got sent to Outpost Montana. He looked around at the bored crew, typing away on their outdated computers.
There was a tap at the door. That's odd, thought Delegate Jono. All staff were in this room. There was nobody else on the space station.
"Who is it?" asked Jono in his high pitched, girly voice. His friends normally laughed at his voice and questioned his manhood, which made Jono feel sad.
"It's the Cleaner!"
"Cleaner? We have no cleaners here. Can't afford it. We have to do all the cleaning ourselves," said Jono. In response, the door blew off its hinges. Spectacularly, debris went flying, and a light behind the door helped cast the silhouette of the dude who blew up the door. He stepped forward. Jono gasped and dropped his hot tea on his lap. He gave a yelp of pain and hoped that Jacqueline didn't hear him scream. Jono liked Jacqueline and hoped one day to summon up the courage to ask her out. Unfortunately for Jono, Jacqueline preferred his best friend, Marcus.
The new arrival stepped forward. He was of average height, with black and white curly hair covering part of his crazy face. Behind him, two white men with shave heads stepped forward. Crazy face made his hands into a crude gun shape, with his thumb being the trigger. He flicked his thumb as if pulling a trigger. Behind him, the two lackeys fired machine guns at the Federation workers. As one, they collapsed onto their keyboards. Only Jono remained arrived. The leader stepped forward and spoke to him.
"Send a message to your HQ. Tell them, they are coming."
Back at Federation Headquarters, nobody could quite believed what had happened. President Alpha Centauri called an emergency meeting, and wanted to increase security at the other bases, but she was overruled by the Western Block. She wriggled her tentacles in frustration.
"We must take immediate action to prevent further attacks," she squealed, to no avail.
A couple of days later came a report of another attack on another Federation Outpost. The same warning was sent out, "they are coming."
This time the security council listened to President Alpha Centauri. Extra Judoon platoons were sent to all major stations. A week went by, then the Outpost at Jupiter Five issued a mayday. The security council rushed to the communications room.
"Swwitttchh to emergenccccy audiooo," hissed Elixo. Elixo was an Ice Warrior from the planet Mars. Elixo was a very good rugby player, and could bake an excellent banana cake.
"Switching now," commented a technician whilst flipping some switches. From overhead speakers came audio from Jupiter Five. Confusion and terror could easily be felt.
"Send the message. Send it now!" yelled an Irish voice from the speakers. "The Prince commands it!"
"Ok, ok," replied a terrified voice. A moment later, a message appeared on all communication screens. They are coming.
Alpha Centauri gulped. What was she to do? Firmly, she decided that her staff must be defended. Desperate times called from desperate actions. She made contact with the Sontarans and agreed upon an alliance. Sontarans would join Ice Warrior and Judoon patrols on all bases. But a day later, another attack, and the same message. Two days later, another attack. Again and again.
Alpha Centauri, Elixo and the other key delegates were in another meeting.
"Melissa has discovered a rather disturbing pattern," said the President fearfully. Melissa stood up, stepped forward and held up a 3D map of the universe for the delegates to see. She pushed a button and Alpha's green circular head with a single eye appeared in the map.
"We are there," said Melissa. She pushed the button again, and a red circle appeared. "This is Outpost Montana, the first base to be attacked." She pushed the button again and again, and more red circles appeared. They were getting close to the virtual Alpha Centauri's head. "There is no doubt about it, the attackers are fast approaching us, and I believe Headquarters will be the next base attacked!!!!"
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
And that brings us to the present. Charlie, Misbah and other workers are running around like insane people.
In the heart of Federation Headquarters is an impregnable room. Inside it, President Alpha Centauri and the Federation Delegates have assembled, with an outer ring of the best Ice Warrior soldiers to defend them if necessary. Nobody spoke whilst they waited. Everybody cast nervous glances at the other delegates, unsure what to say. Eventually they heard a cry. Another cry followed. Some gunfire too. Federation Headquarters was being attacked.
After an hour, the sound of battle ceased.
"They're in here." Somebody called from outside the Room. This was it. The moment of truth. Could the impregnable defenses really keep them safe from these villains?
The door handle squeaked as somebody turned it, and it opened calmly. Some fool forgot to lock it.
In walked the attackers.
The black and white haired guy was there. He was holding a broom. Beside him was a skinny guy with black hair. He was covered in paint so that he looked like some mythic demon. On the other side of Broom Man was another guy. This dude was wearing a shirt with P1 on it. Behind him stood the men with shaved heads.
The Ice Warriors fired. Nothing happened.
"Who are you?" asked Elixo.
"Why, we're the Bullet Club!" yelled Broom Man. He smiled. "I am Kenny Omega. Prince Devitt is the Irish fella in the paint. The Phenomenal One is AJ Styles, and these two brutes behind me are Gallows and Anderson." The others all nodded, and made a strange symbol with their hands. The tip of their ring and middle fingers were touching the tip of their thumbs, pointing forwards. Their pinky and index fingers were pointing straight upwards. "Fo-fo-fo-fo-for life!"
The Delegates were in shock. The Bullet Club was invading the Galactic Federation! BANGGGG!!!! Elixo fell forward, unconscious. The rest of the delegates turned to see what happened. Over Elixo's prone body stood Alpha Centauri, holding a chair in her tentacles.
"What?" gasped Delegate Mongo.
Alpha Centauri produced a gun, and instantly fired down three more delegates. The Bullet Club too produced guns and attacked. In a matter of seconds it was over. The delegates and the Ice Warrior soldiers were dead. Alpha Centauri had joined the Bullet Club.
The Bullet Club now ruled the universe!