The Return
In the Western district of some unnamed English village there is a hill. Today, if you were to visit that hill, you'd here a strange, wheezing and groaning noise. You might wonder what could make that noise. Then you'd notice George. George is an overweight boy, dressed like Billy Bunter. Due to his size, he has acquired the nickname 'Fatty.' It's not a very nice nickname. There are worse nicknames to have though. Suthers would be a horrible one to have. or Poopy-pants. Luckily, George was limited to just Fatty.
The previous day, George had wheezed and groaned his way up this hill, and encountered a bizarre man with a giant bouffant. This bizarro-man stepped from a blue box (in reality, an alien spaceship!!!!!) and preached the virtues of food. Before George could speak, this strange guy had departed.
Fatty wanted answers. He had returned, in case Mr Bouffant did too.
He looked around. No signs of big brown hands. No Police Boxes. No alien ships. No giant noses. Nothing. :(
Then it happened!
Behind George.
He heard something.
He spun around. There was a man. Not ol' Brown Hands. No. He was smaller, dressed in a black suit with a Delgado-beard. He looked sinister.
George wheezed. "whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?"
This new guy was the Master. He was a Time Lord from Gallifrey. In the constellation of Kasterborous. And he travelled in his own TARDIS, so its telepathic circuits translated the wheeze into a fatigued "whoooooooooo?"
"I am generally referred to as the Master," he replied. "And now I shall kill you." The Master pulled from his pocket a vibrator. Travelling alone in a TARDIS can get lonely. He had added special features to his vibrator. The end opened up, a beam shot out and shrunk George to the size of a 3.75" weeping angel figurine (which, incidentally, is extremely crappy compared to the old 5" line of toys). The Master retreated a safe distance and hid behind a tree.
Soon, another noise disturbed the peace on that hill. It's hard to describe it. The best I can come up with is "wuuuuu-uuu-uuu." It "wuuuuu-uuu-uuu"-ed several times, and that blue box appeared! The Master watched as Doctor Who exited and looked around, puzzled. Doctor Who also looked a little bit sad. He was sure that overweight kid would be back, and he could talk some more about being adventurous at mealtimes. He shrugged, and returned to his space ship.
The Master gave a cry of delight. "Whooooooooooop!" he shrieked. He had won. Doctor Who looked so disappointed. That made the Master extremely happy.
But his victory was short lived.
Doctor Who decided that Fatty must be nearby. He wouldn't miss the opportunity to speak about the delights of food. So he found his microphone, turned the speaker to setting 7, and began to speak:
"Men may go shooting off to outer space, but it's really their inner space that matters most...."
"Noooooooooooooooo!" cried the Master.
"I'm sure I'm not the only one who likes to be adventurous at mealtimes."
"Make it stop!"
"When the meal I'm eating is home cooked, but doesn't cost the earth then I know I'm getting the best of all worlds"
Curses, thought the Master. Foiled again. He shook his fist at the TARDIS as it made that "wuuuuu-uuu-uuu" noise and dematerialised.
The previous day, George had wheezed and groaned his way up this hill, and encountered a bizarre man with a giant bouffant. This bizarro-man stepped from a blue box (in reality, an alien spaceship!!!!!) and preached the virtues of food. Before George could speak, this strange guy had departed.
Fatty wanted answers. He had returned, in case Mr Bouffant did too.
He looked around. No signs of big brown hands. No Police Boxes. No alien ships. No giant noses. Nothing. :(
Then it happened!
Behind George.
He heard something.
He spun around. There was a man. Not ol' Brown Hands. No. He was smaller, dressed in a black suit with a Delgado-beard. He looked sinister.
George wheezed. "whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?"
This new guy was the Master. He was a Time Lord from Gallifrey. In the constellation of Kasterborous. And he travelled in his own TARDIS, so its telepathic circuits translated the wheeze into a fatigued "whoooooooooo?"
"I am generally referred to as the Master," he replied. "And now I shall kill you." The Master pulled from his pocket a vibrator. Travelling alone in a TARDIS can get lonely. He had added special features to his vibrator. The end opened up, a beam shot out and shrunk George to the size of a 3.75" weeping angel figurine (which, incidentally, is extremely crappy compared to the old 5" line of toys). The Master retreated a safe distance and hid behind a tree.
Soon, another noise disturbed the peace on that hill. It's hard to describe it. The best I can come up with is "wuuuuu-uuu-uuu." It "wuuuuu-uuu-uuu"-ed several times, and that blue box appeared! The Master watched as Doctor Who exited and looked around, puzzled. Doctor Who also looked a little bit sad. He was sure that overweight kid would be back, and he could talk some more about being adventurous at mealtimes. He shrugged, and returned to his space ship.
The Master gave a cry of delight. "Whooooooooooop!" he shrieked. He had won. Doctor Who looked so disappointed. That made the Master extremely happy.
But his victory was short lived.
Doctor Who decided that Fatty must be nearby. He wouldn't miss the opportunity to speak about the delights of food. So he found his microphone, turned the speaker to setting 7, and began to speak:
"Men may go shooting off to outer space, but it's really their inner space that matters most...."
"Noooooooooooooooo!" cried the Master.
"I'm sure I'm not the only one who likes to be adventurous at mealtimes."
"Make it stop!"
"When the meal I'm eating is home cooked, but doesn't cost the earth then I know I'm getting the best of all worlds"
Curses, thought the Master. Foiled again. He shook his fist at the TARDIS as it made that "wuuuuu-uuu-uuu" noise and dematerialised.